Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Dick very happy bro
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
