12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
