then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
