Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
