I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
