Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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