I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
