I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
