I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
