I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
