she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
