I heard we made out
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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