Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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