you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
