what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
