Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
