Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I need help removing her.
North Korea, Best Korea!
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
