guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
