i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
