don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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