the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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