just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Randomize
