Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
