CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize