'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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