So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
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