ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
