Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
