why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
