the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
