Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
