so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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