so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
