Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
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