i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
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