names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
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I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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