I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
