Im at strip club and am horny
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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