They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
