I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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