I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
this boner is exhausting
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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