he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
