Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
a search helicopter?!
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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