I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
