i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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