Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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