can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
