I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
