Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
