Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
