dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".