They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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