I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.