tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
