This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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