just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
