A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
