In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
