If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Where did you get a picture of my penis
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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