Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
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You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
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Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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