Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Randomize
