he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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