NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Randomize
