I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
