He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
