bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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