I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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