Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
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you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
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The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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