Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
