i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
