I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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