you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Randomize
