I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
