yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
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