i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
